Good Morning, Mr Padfoot
by Lia D. Green
Summary: James Potter and Sirius Black wake up in the same bed. Naked. Why? - NO SLASH - just a stupid oneshot


Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the characters from the books belong to J. K. Rowling.

A/N: This was originally written in German. I hope it doesn't sound that bad translated in English, though... If you find any mistakes, whether horrible grammar or just dodgy sounding words, _please_ tell. Thanks Fanciful Sovereign for doing so!

And, umm, this is stupid, really. I had to invent an OC, I'm sorry. Damn for J. K. Rowling who's not telling who else was at Hogwarts when the Marauders were.

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Good Morning, Mr. Padfoot __

By Lia D. Green

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"Padfoot?"

"Yeah, Prongs?"

"Why are we lying in the same bed, naked?"

"No idea, mate."

"Have I shagged you?"

"Idiot. As if I'd let you."

"Then, have you...?" James Potter's face widened in horror.

"No. Of course not. I'm straight, you moron."

James gave a sigh of relief. "Then, where are the girls?" he asked.

Obviously no girls were present. James and Sirius were lying in a bed in the middle of an unknown room. They could tell that they weren't in any of the Gryffindor dormitories, nor could they see the colors of any other of Hogwarts' Houses. The walls were kept in plain black and there was hardly any furniture except for the enormous bed they were lying in. Through the only window the reddening sun shone into the room. It must have been late afternoon.

James sat up straight in the bed, careful to keep himself covered by the sheets. A sudden pain in the head made him fall back on the pillows abruptly.

"Man, my head aches! What were we drinking?"

Sirius grunted in disapprove. "Nothing at all. The last thing I remember was us going to the Quidditch pitch for practice."

"Come to think of it, I do remember the same," James nodded. He was now looking all over the room for clothes, without success. Their wands were not there, too. Nor were James' glasses. Luckily his eyes were not that weak and he could still see rather clearly.

"Snivellus!" he said suddenly.

"What? Is he in here?" Sirius asked.

"Padfoot, since when are you as slow as Wormtail? Who else would want us to wake up together thinking we had lost it?"

"No way!" Sirius answered. "How would the slimy git get us in here?"

James shook his head.

"No idea, mate. But let's get out."

Now it was Sirius' time to shake his head. "I don't know if you're keen on walking around Hogwarts dressed in sheets. And then, we only have _one_ sheet."

"Snivellus will pay," James whispered. He was now up on his legs and walked around the room, looking for a possible hiding-place for their wands and clothes. But except under the bed there seemed no places to look in.

"James, would you mind covering yourself in some way? Your sight is slightly disturbing," Sirius mourned.

"Since when are you offended by seeing my hot body naked?" James wondered since the dormitories had shared showers. But Sirius still made it obvious that seeing James walking around the room naked was different and that he was definitely not interested in it.

James chose to ignore him and tried the door. It was locked.

"What now?" Sirius asked.

"Shh!"

James pressed his ear on the door and gestured Sirius to join him. So he did, wrapping himself in the blanket as he got out of bed.

Two loud voices were coming from behind the door, drawing nearer. Their possessors talked loudly, without fear of being overheard.

"You're transforming yourself back!" said the first one, sounding content. The voice seemed familiar to both James and Sirius.

"Yeah, finally," came the answer. "I was really scared when Conolly gave me that strange look of his!"

James and Sirius exchanged confused looks. Conolly was the Quidditch captain for the Gryffindor house team. Could it be?

"Hopefully Severus' potion works as he promised. I don't want to deal with the two awaken."

"It's Nott," James whispered.

"Then is the other one... Landsgate?" Sirius' eyes widened in understanding. Both played on the Slytherin house team. "We haven't got our wands. What are we going to do?"

"No idea," James answered. "Let's just act..."

"_Alohomora_!" said Nott from outside the door.

"...spontaneously!" James finished, as the door flew open.

Sirius and James didn't have time to agree on what they were going to do. It was sheer luck that both of them decided cease the shock effect as they threw themselves on Landsgate and Nott, praying those wouldn't think of using there wands immediately. Sirius had an easy job with Landsgate, as he was carrying both his and Nott's clothes, while James had to face Nott. The boy was almost a head taller then James and, being a chaser, much stronger and in superb condition. But James was used to pitting his strength with Sirius in muggle wrestling, something a Slytherin like Nott would consider beneath him. In a keen movement James got a grip the wand that Nott was still holding in his right hand and snatched it away from him. After a second, in which he thanked all Gods out there that Nott didn't get him killed by saying any spell while they both held on to the wand, James shouted: "_Petrify!_" twice, aiming fist at Nott and then at Landsgate.

As soon as Landsgate was petrified, Sirius searched the robes he had cared, to find his wand, as well as James'. Within seconds the two Marauders were in control of the situation.

It was obvious now. Nott's hair stuck up as badly as James' did. Basically, it really _was_ James' hair and he was still wearing his glasses. With a disgusted look James bent over Nott and took the glasses from his nose. He didn't put them on until he had cleaned them thoroughly.

"Polyjuice Potion," Sirius smirked as he gave Landsgate's body a hard kick. Right in front of him his own face was slowly getting rower features of someone who's nose was hit by bludgers several times.

Both Slytherins were wearing the Griffindor Quidditch robes James and Sirius had worn a couple of hours before. They were soaked with sweat – apparently the boys had used an excuse not to shower with the others, afraid that they could become themselves any moment.

"Spying around!" James shot the two a dirty look. "I knew Slytherin didn't play fair, but this is just..."

"Well, I'm sure Conolly will come up with a different strategy for the match next week. He's a genius in such things," Sirius answered. "Prongs, you're still naked, by the way," he added and smiled as he saw James blush. The boy had almost forgotten it through all the action.

"What do you expect from me?" James finally answered. "I'm certainly not going to put on these robes ever again."

He shot another stunning spell at the Slytherins, as the first one seemed to be wearing off.

"You'll have to," Sirius commented blankly. "As I will, too. I want to wear something when I get done with these two... _Wingardium Leviosa!_"

Both boys were now floating above the floor. James slowly hexed the clothes to leave the stunned bodies and fall down. The robes, then the shoes, the trousers and the jumpers...

"Shite!" he cursed, as Sirius looked away in disgust. "This bastards have even put on our underwear!"

"Sick," Sirius muttered. "This is sick. I'm going to throw up. Prongs, leave it on, please."

But James proceeded undressing the boys.

"James, STOP!" Sirius shouted. "You're not going to wear this, are you?"

"I sure will, Padfoot. There's nothing as great as worn underwear!" James grinned evilly.

"You're disgusting."

"And you're an idiot. Of course I'm NOT wearing this. I'm just... taking it along," James said, his eyes twinkling. Sirius nodded as he understood.

With disgusted expressions both boys put on the trousers and the shoes, then covered the rest of themselves with the robes. That was the minimum of clothing they would have to wear to get to the Griffindor tower, before making the house elves wash the robes over and over again and throwing away everything else.

"_Mobiliarbus_!", Sirius ordered, making the other pile of clothes, both their own and those of the Slytherins, slowly levitate in front of them. They left the door ajar, abandoning two naked and petrified Slytherin Quidditch players inside the room.

End.

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A/N: Okay, Conolly is in the book, he plays Quidditch on the Irish national team, so he might have attended school with James and then he certainly was on the team. At what age do you quit Quidditch? When I think of it now, he must be about ten years younger.

Nott was in Slytherin for sure, no idea when and whether he played Quidditch. Landsgate is a creation of mine since I didn't want to take another Death Eater. It CAN'T BE that all of them attended Hogwarts at the same time and were sorted into the same houses.

I'm perfectly aware of the fact that Sirius never played on the house team. He always wanted to, though. This story is a tribute to him. 

Well, I hope nobody died because of my additions to the cast. I'm back to sticking to the canon with the next fic.


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